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Maybe I Am Crazy

from Sounds From The Red Room by Justin Allen

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about

lyrics

Lyrics:

Manassas Virginia
2003 i believe was the year
before i left here
currently in NY
with a VA state of mind
still dwelling on the past
i remember the time

me and Rod was inseparable
and Isaiah talked on the phone wit me every night
till night was approaching light

John had a case
not really nothing to mention
just tryna bring a point and speak on the friendships

Stonewall Jackson
i was in my second year
and this girl Kai
she was just getting there
i knew her from my area
Westgate
she was Ryan girl
when they broke up she said lets date
well not in words

I would see her
when i would chill with Domo
tried to get at Jakiesha
but i didnt get far tho
she messed with Tavaris
and he was her life for years
i seen him make her happy
i seen him make her tear

i wrote poems to show how i felt but i
left it alone after she told me how she felt

when i was home
me and Kourtnei would chill
in the mornings Kai would come over
i was older but still
we took things to another level
i was really feeling her but inside
i knew i wouldn't settle
down
not as long as Kourtnei was there
and the miscellaneous girls i would meet
was still around

i worked at footlocker with her dad
slowly but surely
he started to notice what we had
he would tell me things
tell me her mind wasn't right
say things about her mother
i would listen no reply

she told me she was 15
i was 16 at the time
he told me she was 14 when we chilled 4th of july
and then a few weeks later
he told me she was 13
i aint know who to believe
i felt both of them had lied

she would sneak out at night
so she could come and see me
one time she snuck out but
she aint come and see me
i had stuff on my mind
i really really liked her but i couldn't tolerate
a person that would lie

when the time came and i looked at her
then told her we moving backwards
she told me about a talk
her and her dad had and what happen
and rather then say dont talk to Kai
he decided to make up lies
to try and destroy the bond
i had developed with Kai

uh uh
na uh
it didn't work
plus i had a few words for him
but i aint see him at work
i actually didnt see him
Kai's visits were first
she would see me
i would see her
what he said didn't work
and over time we grew distant
cause she wanted to flirt
i didn't like but decided it was cool and this jerk
she started seeing name Daryl
fucked wit him and i heard
he gave her something
and her next door neighbor did something worse
i heard he rapped her
and im sitting here the king of my world
with all these woman
i had Kourtnei
i had Mia
this girl
that i had brought into my life
i didn't know what was wrong
this happen quick
we didn't even stay apart for that long
and the the mist of all the things going on
me feeling guilty
cause i didn't even fight
to get her to stay with me
feeling like
she was out there
searching for a replacement
while i messing with all of these girls
ignoring her
staying away and not even talking or calling
well i stopped
after she told Tamisha we were together
plus her pops
i didn't feel like putting up with
but i said f*ck it and then
eventually we talked but
later stuff happened again

I started selling drugs
nothing major
for some paper
i would save up
mess with girls but
Kourtnei was my main one
Kai started seeing guys
quiet a few
i can name one
this kid Christian
she had liked him
if he hit it
i dont blame him
he go wit my first girl
Nicole
we had broke up after 3 months
that relationship changed my whole world

after her
there wasn't another one
one after another one
was cuming but didn't stay
they come get they nut and run
some want what i didn't want
Iesha was one of them
Kris really wanted the coochie and thought that i wanted some
Christian told me that he suspected i messed with her
not uh i didn't mess wit her
tell him i didn't mess wit her
hating N*gga
disrespected me the same night
lame fight
snuck up on me
had a hit
last one
nice try
he ended up with a busted lip and a black eye
i thought i was good till around 1 my right side
started hurting
started swelling
this happen 4 hours ago
so i aint really get it
and i went to the doctor
then after they checked it
they told me my jaw was broken and only wires could fix

it 3 months passed
mouth shut and i couldn't really talk
i would try
but when i would it would hurt
i would think about the dude Kris and the reason we fought
i wasn't f*cking his b*tch
aint even hit it at all
then i started thinking crazy
had 2 guns that i bought
i would just sit in a daze alone
just me and my thoughts
everybody wanted to get at dude but i would hold them off
tell em yo its aiight
dont worry about it yall

i planned to get him myself on the dolo
i was gonna shoot him and i didnt tell a soul yo
then i thought this stupid and im alive
im ok
he aint worth my life and why the f*ck
would i thro it away

Kai came to see me
so did Mia
even Kourtnei to
and over some time
i would say that me and Kourtnei grew
but then
came a surprise
confessions every year is what we do
she told me she had a man
it was cool
i asked who
she said Kris
i was pissed
really shocked
f*ck is this?
had the gun
in my hand
full clip

put it down
continued talking
gave him a second chance
and giving a second chance
i dont really do that often
now lets fast forward
i worked at the mall and
i would see him often
still wanted to off him
my boy got killed
and my mind was kinda off then
heard about Kai
and thats when i realy lost it

i heard Rick
thats her dad
was doing what he shouldn't have
you her father
thats ya daughter
you dont F*ck or put ya hands
on her body
in her pants
yo i couldn't understand
but i cared enuff to take matter into my own hands

Boy dead
Kourtnei gone
Kai pops doing wrong
Kai hurt im pretty sure but Rick
wont do it no more
im still selling drugs
got 2 jobs but im stressing
cause my Daddy dont seem happy
man my life seem so depressing
no-body pays me any mind
seems im only used to get high
or when girls call me for d*ck
im sick of this type of life
thinking of all of this
while im waiting for Rick at his building
he aint show up
i waited for hours
just pissed
bullets ready to fly
got a couple for Kris
wasn't worried bout Jail because i was ready to die

aint talk to John
told Isaiah what was on my mind
and Rod he had moved
we aint talk all the time
Domo was still cool
we would play and when we chilled at his house
his sister was on my mind
Ryan was still cool
i played music for him
we continued to be friends
he aint trip over Kai
and Kourtnei got pregnant
i was ready to step up and be a father
but then she told me the baby died
I felt alone in this world
nothing changes
everyday its the same shit
just a different day kid

suicidal Justin
walking round wit these grudges
ready to solve a problem
not worried bout repercussions
ready to talk with death and even lead the discussion
so i can be fresh to him
let me know when the reaper coming
i stayed by Ricks house a few times before it sunk in
that i was really loosing my mind and needed something
and no matter what kinda help came
it couldn't save me
today i think the same things
MAYBE I AM CRAZY

credits

from Sounds From The Red Room, track released April 10, 2012
(Written By J. Allen) JMG Publishing / ASCAP Recorded And Mixed By Justin Allen at DA ROOM Studios, NYC Produced By The Klassix

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